As parents, we can't protect our children from all the situations and problems they will face throughout their lives. Children must grow and develop in environments in which parents are not present to lend a helping hand. However, we have a fundamental tool to help children become self-sufficient and make their own decisions: self-esteem.
Fundamentally, we can say that children's self-esteem begins to conform based on the relationships they establish with the people in their immediate environment: parents, siblings (if they have them), teachers and playmates.
Self-esteem is expressed through the emotions and feelings that the child shows and depends to a large extent on his self-image and his perception of self-efficacy. If the child is perceived to be confident in his or her abilities and capabilities, it is only natural that he or she will develop high self-esteem. Otherwise, if the child does not trust his potential and has a poor perception of his abilities, he will consolidate specific negative ideas and feelings towards himself, leading to low self-esteem.
On many occasions, low child self-esteem is closely related to the bad habits and dynamic dysfunctional relationships we learned from our parents. If we don't give importance to these aspects in raising children, we run the risk of them growing and consolidating some negative feelings and a wrong perception of themselves.
Ten strategies, techniques, and tricks to increase your child's self-esteem.
1. Be a role model.
It's one of the most effective strategies: if you're a positive role model for your child, he will learn the way you are and how to do it. Children learn by imitating adults. Therefore, it is not sufficient for us to order them to have certain habits and customs if later we, as parents, are the first to act oppositely.
If the child sees that you are a person who doesn't value himself, who is complaining all day and who shuns his tasks and responsibilities, it's only natural that he ends up adopting this negative model and ends up looking like you. For this reason, we must take care of our self-esteem, as well as our habits and values.
2. Setting limits and standards.
It is essential that as parents, we manage to establish clear limits and rules for our children to develop appropriately. These limits not only let them know that there are things that should not be done, but also give them a framework of interactions in which they can feel comfortable and safe, and therefore lay the foundations for good self-esteem.
These limits must be coherent and reasonable.
3. Censoring error, not the person.
There are different ways to correct our child when he makes a mistake: we can scold and criticize him personally, or we can focus our observation on inappropriate behavior.
It is essential that as parents, we understand that we must avoid making the child feel excessively guilty for the mistake he has made because it could be the case that he associates the error committed with his personality. Therefore, we should not use "you're good for nothing" phrases. Focus on the behavior and don't make value judgments about the child.
4. Valuing effort, not the outcome.
When we begin a journey, we must not reduce everything to the final result, but rather to the challenge that it has entailed and in the personal development and experience that we have acquired trying to achieve our objectives.
We must be aware that the effort we have invested in this activity that motivates us so much is much more important than whether we have been able to reach the objectives we had set, or not. For this reason, it is fundamental that we value the effort of the children, even in the case that, for some circumstance, it has not been able to carry it out successfully. In this way, we will be able to point out to them that if they make an effort, they will be able to move forward adequately and that the obstacles they encounter will only be temporary.
5. Detecting and correcting your child limiting beliefs
Children's rational thinking goes through different phases of maturation, and this implies that they do not always follow a logical coherence. Sometimes, they may be nurturing specific irrational and erroneous thoughts about themselves, which can negatively affect their self-esteem.
If you identify any of these limiting or mistaken beliefs, you must do what you can to correct them so that they do not become consolidated in your mind. For example, we must prevent them from having hobbies about their physical appearance or doubting their intellectual capabilities. We must teach them to love themselves as they are. We must help our children to look at themselves objectively so that they can form a realistic and positive self-concept.
6. Demonstrate unconditional love for your child.
Many parents make a common misconception: they encourage their children to "earn their love" by being well-behaved or by fulfilling particular academic or other accomplishments. If we make them see that our affection is not unconditional, the child will base his self-esteem on the approval of others, and we will be encouraging him to have a withdrawn personality.
To avoid this, we parents must offer our unconditional love to them. This does not mean that we should tolerate negative behaviors, but it does mean that we have to note our understanding and affection even though the child may make mistakes and have some limitations. In bad times, for example, when he has made a mistake that has made him feel bad, it is when a child needs to know that we support him and that we are very proud of him.
7. Encourage the child to take certain risks.
Overprotective parents raise children with low self-esteem. If we don't let our child test his skills and abilities, he won't be able to know what his limits are and so he won't be able to improve his skills; thus, we are encouraging him to be an insecure and fearful child.
Therefore, it is essential that from an early age, we encourage our children to face specific challenges, even when they may pose a controlled risk. This will allow them to improve their skills and expand their world. It is important to stress that the child's identity is built through each new experience, so it is not appropriate to limit its field of action.
8. Letting the little one make mistakes.
Every mistake is new learning. We must not fall into the tendency of excessively directing the child's life, because we will be limiting the child's possibilities of learning and coming out reinforced both maturely and in self-confidence. The life lessons learned in each experience can be important for their development.
We must encourage children, far from experiencing frustration, to experiment with new challenges, and to support them when they need it so that they can climb up their cognitive skills and self-confidence
9. Avoid exaggerating their achievements and skills.
Good self-esteem is not the same as artificially inflated self-esteem but is based on a balanced and realistic self-concept.
Therefore, we should not try to flatter the child all the time and exaggerate his aptitudes and personal achievements.
Wanting to exaggerate the virtues of children can have the opposite effect to what we would like since we can lower their self-esteem. For example, if he is good at playing football, we can let him know and motivate him, but it is not a good idea to put in his head that he will be the next Leo Messi because he can carry an excessive and unrealistic pressure.
10. Spend quality time with your child.
A good idea to help develop good self-esteem in your child is to get him to understand that he is vital to you. To do this, you should try to give your child quality time.
We already know that adult life is full of schedules and obligations that do not allow us to spend as much time as we would like with our children. If you can't take care of him at a specific time, it is preferable that you let him know and that at another time you devote your attention to him. The child should note that, although we can not be with him whenever we want, we have a great interest in meeting their needs and provide as much love as possible.
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